The fast track

[So Jonna's blog inspired me to want to keep this blog thing up for real. At the very least, it will keep me writing. Because since I was in 4th grade, all I've ever wanted to do was write. Cheesy, I know. I'm not even that good. Or rather, I'm not good. I don't know the mechanics of English grammar, nor I am eloquently detailed. I just like to rant, and I'm occasionally I'm funny.]

This is Jonna! She's cool!



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So this next three weeks I have to experience D.C. on the fast track.

I was telling Ben the other day that to me, everything is matter of time. Though I knew this internship for me was bittersweet from the beginning (leaving what I thought was a hopeful relationship, but I was wrong, and returning to a field of work that exhausted and made me hate my life for a year) I always tried to tell myself that no matter what I was living in D.C. free of charge. Who else gets that?
It just always seems that opportunities come up when I don't want to leave El Paso and I don't what to leave whatever I have going on at the moment. When I have everything to lose and change means sacrificing the small shred of sanity and normalcy and happiness I'd managed to keep in my life for more than 30 seconds. Why is it that every time I feel anxious to do anything and go anywhere... I'm trapped? No place to go. Stuck in the fucking dirt box that El Paso can be sometimes.
But anyway... back to the time thing. It's all a matter of time. You have to have a certain amount of familiarity and comfort to feel content in life. Internships are kind of shitty in that sense, since by the time you feel like you're finally getting the hang of things, and you stop missing home and come to grips with your solitude, it's time to move on again.
Two months is really too short. In three weeks I'll be back in El Paso. But it's taken me this long to feel like I could really make it here, that I could be successful. That I could survive in a city that can seem so cold and brash. I just needed more time.
Before this I was too gripped with insecurity and nostalgia and fear and frustration and disillusionment and the whole fucking world crumbling in front of me, that it took me seven weeks to simply regain myself identity. It would probably take me seven more to feel comfortable at work. Maybe three more to muster up the courage to ask some real questions. What can I say, I'm a slow person. I have short stumpy legs. I can't help it.

By the way, ever since Daniel & David (their graphic design talk) and InDesign, I think things without pictures of boring. Who wants to read a giant block of text?? NOBODY! So here's a picture of Jonna and Jenn at Mr. Chen's Organic Chinese Cuisine. Mmmm... Mr. Chen's. There will be a Mr. Chen's video, in which I sound like a total retard, posted shortly.